how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
