i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
