Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
