Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
