Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
