Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
