did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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