You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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