We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Naked Twister starts at high noon
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize