I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
