she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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