cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
