smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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