I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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