I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
