Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
