That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Come share oat with me in your robe
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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