your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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