Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
