i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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