ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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