Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
