So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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