I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
