I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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