I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
