Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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