Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
