Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
