Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
