Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
