unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
