This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
