Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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