Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I feel like our house is getting pulled over.

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(314): View more from Missouri

his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?

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(302): View more from Delaware

No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.

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(214): View more from Texas

Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.

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(512): View more from Texas

there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.

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(404): View more from Georgia

just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.

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(443): View more from Maryland

The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?

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(443): View more from Maryland

I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".

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(804): View more from Virginia

I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.

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