Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
