Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
