You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
