i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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