It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
