Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
