Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
