We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
