we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
