Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
