The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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