Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
