Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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