he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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