McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
