It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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