Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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