Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
