I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
