I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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