did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
