its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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