She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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