I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
