So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
