New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
