there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
