We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
