Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
50% drunk capacity currently
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
