he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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