i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
