Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
