Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
