Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
